No fear in love

There are different reasons in different people fighting for depression. I'm a lucky one that know about my reason. Being a Christian, it could be easy or it could hard depends on your theology. I know my root problem. The problem is employing other people's negative theology and becomes my super negative theology. This can totally drown me to the darkness and destroy my life.

This is really painful to recall the memory  of the horrible year of depression. I found nothing interested and just wanted to cry everyday. I saw everything sad and dark. There were no hope, no life and lots of nightmares. No one understand me and I avoid talk to others because of the super negative theology. On the other hand, I would not think they are right. Every time, my husband tried to correct my thoughts. I just refused and didn't think he is right. I guess I was so believed in my super negative theology.

The environments can be negative, the world can be negative, my mind can be negative, my thoughts can be negative, voices can be negative,  even my prayers can be negative but only God in this universe is infinitely positive who is Jesus. I read the book of Luke in KJV again and again. I was so desperate for Jesus's words. I had nightmares for one whole year. I woke up and cried. I couldnt sleep because my mind was still extending the nightmares. The negative thoughts and feelings trapped in my mind day and night. Endless! I called Jesus every time. When I was emotionally collapsed,  when I was in my chronic nightmare, when I was in my negative thoughts, I called Him. Jesus! Jesus! Jesus! Nothing on earth can help me but only Him. I know that He is the ultimate positive in an infinity level. He is our Saviour forever and ever.

My negative thoughts couldn't be completely vanished in a simply click but I started reading pschology book. I tried my best to understand anxiety and depression. This is a long term process but we need patience and love. I really like this bible verse "there is no fear in love" (1 joh 4:18) because only Jesus gives me hope.